The Hole in the Soul

Once upon a time there was a little boy.

He had a terrible headache.

He knew why he had a headache. There were people in his life who were very wounded. These people spread their pain wherever they went.

The little boy needed help, but no one seemed to understand. He didn’t know what to do. He was just a little boy. Fear, rage, pain, sorrow… it was too much for such a small boy. He pushed it all deep inside.

The deeper he pushed it, the more his head ached.

It would not stop.

One day he came upon a wise man. The little boy told the man some of the bad things that had happened to him. He told him about his headache. He asked the wise man if he knew how to make the headache go away.

The wise man looked into the boy’s eyes. He said, “If you stand in the sun with your eyes closed, you will be able to see inside your soul.” He took the boy by the hand and led him outside.

“Try it,” he coaxed.

.The little boy closed his eyes. The sun warmed his hands, his face, his heart. Deep inside, he saw bright light… but in the middle, there was a big dark spot.

The blackness scared him. He closed his eyes tight as he told the old man what he’d seen.

The wise man said, “It’s as I thought. You have a hole in your soul, but you can fix it. I know it’s hard to look, but if you stand in the sun every day, and search within, you will see the hole grow smaller and smaller until it’s gone. When the hole is gone, your headache will be gone.”

The little boy told the man that he was afraid of the hole.

The wise old man said, “If you want to get better, you must look at the darkness.”

“Can’t you do it?” the boy pleaded.

The old man sadly shook his head. “I wish I could,” he said, “but it is up to you.”

The next morning the little boy thought about going out in the sun, but his head ached so much that it made him sick to his stomach. He closed his eyes tight, terrified of the gloomy shadow on his soul. Even bigger than his fear, was his anger. It didn't seem like anyone else had to deal with the awful pain he carried around all the time.

He screamed, “It isn't fair!”

He ran through the streets of town, crying. He told everyone he met how much his head hurt. People pitied the little boy and tried to console him.

Day after day the headache continued. Day after day the little boy went around the town and cried.

People still felt sorry for him, but they had lives to live. As time went on, it came to be that no one had the patience to console him day in and day out. Everyone in the town avoided the little boy. When they saw him coming, they walked the other way.

The boy grew up, and became a man. The pain was still inside him, but he learned to hide it.

One day, he met a woman. It took a while, but eventually he began to trust her. He told her about his headache. He was very surprised when she told him she understood exactly how he felt. She said she had the same miserable headache he had. He didn't really think she could know how bad his pain was, but it was good to have someone to commiserate with.

Over time they became very attached to each other. They consoled each other as best they could, but their headaches continued to grow worse, which made them crabby and hateful.

One day the woman complained that her headache was the worst thing that could happen to anyone. This made the grown-up boy very angry. He knew that his headache was the worst. How could she not see it?

By this time, the wise man was very, very old and wise. His time in the world would soon be over, but before he left, he came to the woman. He told her about standing in the sun. He took her outside and coaxed her to try to see inside her soul.

She was afraid. She wasn’t even sure she believed she had a soul.
It took a while, but finally he convinced her to give it a try.
She stood in the sun and felt the warmth begin to penetrate her. Cautiously, she looked inside.
At first, all she could see was her fear, but desperation pushed her to look further, deep inside herself.

She found light streaming out of her, but she also saw a dark place where no light could break through. She wanted to turn away from the ugly darkness. She knew that it was not her fault that she carried this inside. It came from someone else's pain.

She screamed at the old man. “Why is it my job to make the pain go away? It wasn't my fault! Shouldn't someone else have to make it go away?”

The wise old man nodded his head. He said, "Yes, you’re right, it’s not your fault. It isn't fair, at all. Even so, you are the only one with the power to make the hole go away."

She went out and stood in the sun and she cried, but as she cried she looked within herself.

The grief was almost unbearable.

The next day, she tried again. She felt anger well up in her that seemed so strong it threatened to consume her.

But, it didn't.

She stood in the sun again the next day, and the day after that and the week after that and the year after that.... At first it seemed that nothing had improved. In fact, it almost seemed like she felt worse because she knew all the fear and anger, the sadness and pain she had been hiding inside that dark place for so long.

She hated having to deal with it. She wanted it all to just go away, but... she didn't give up.

Gradually, she saw light creeping into her soul. First it was just a little flicker, around the edges of the dark place, but the light grew brighter and stronger and bigger until finally she was so full of it, she thought she would burst.

And in a way, something did burst. The dark place shattered before her eyes. Something beautiful began to shine right out through her, something so perfect that it was it was impossible to contain it any longer.

She ran to the grown-up boy and told him the wonderful news. She shouted, “You can fix it! You can make the headache go away! You've had the power all along!”

The grown-up boy stood in the shadows, holding his head. “No, it's much too bad,” he said. “It's much worse than yours ever was. I knew it all along.”

She stared at him in disbelief. She tried again and again to make him understand, but he shut her out.

She tried for days and weeks and months, but it was no use.

There was only one way to make the pain go away, but the grown-up boy was not willing to look inside and fix it himself.

It was so wonderful to know herself and see the light inside, but being with the grown-up boy who would not even try to heal the darkness inside made her ache all over again.

Finally, sadly, she knew she would have to leave him behind.

The grown-up boy scowled at her happiness as he watched her go. He held his aching head, and screamed, “I knew I was right. My headache was the worst of all. It isn't fair!” The anguish he felt fed the hole in his soul. The blackness grew, hiding all traces of the beautiful boy he had once been.

The woman was sad to see what had become of him. She desperately hoped he would one day come into the light and reclaim himself. Even so, his pain could no longer darken the brightness within her. When she went out into the world, light poured from her onto everyone she met. She knew what it was to love and be loved...

and she lived happily ever after.