11-11-11

Tonight, I'm going to a special event, held by some people who go to my church, inspired by the date:
11-11-11.
I love this susper-spiritual group! One woman set it up, and one of the men volunteered his home. We will be sharing a meal, meditating, and something special is planned for 11:11 pm. I'm very excited! The only down side is that it is over an hour away, which means I'll be driving home in the wee hours of the morning. I have a feeling it will be worth it.

My couples counseling session went pretty well, yesterday. The therapist had some good suggestions as to where to begin. The biggest issue for me is lack of time together, which leads to a feeling of disconnection My husband stated my dissociation and anxiety attacks during intimacy as his primary reason for considering counseling. He admitted that the dissociation has been far less of an issue, recently. He also said, at one point, that he could see I'd made a lot of progress over the last few years. That was good to hear. I pointed out that if we had more connection and better communication, the intimacy issues might be more easily worked through.

My husband routinely works fifteen to nineteen hours a day, at least four days a week. When he's "on call" that can be sis or even seven days a week. Even on his "off" days, he works - sometimes only a few hours, sometimes eight or ten. It's grueling for him, but beyond that there is the disconnect that occurs between us after having so little time together. After seeing how we could be on vacation, alone, a couple of weeks ago, I can tell that this relationship is very worth working on. It's just so hard to imagine how to get past his schedule. He doesn't feel he can do anything about it, and I feel as if he's the only one who can.

So, one simple thing that we are going to try is to stay in contact more, during the day. I've often felt as if he forgets I exist as soon as he walks out the door. Even this past Wednesday, when I was sick, he was gone for fifteen hours and never even called home to see how I was. The counselor recommended texting and voicemail. He said to try this several times a day, when we are apart for long periods of time.

I've already received and sent one text, today. It felt good that he remembered. I do have a skeptical demon inside who is wondering how long it will last... but for now, it's good.