tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6944698796767874000.post7925013162426679879..comments2023-09-28T05:49:32.583-05:00Comments on *** Reunited Selves *** : The Way He Says Her NameShenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16635993168913490929noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6944698796767874000.post-3411900477420564822010-01-15T15:52:25.436-06:002010-01-15T15:52:25.436-06:00I'm glad you brought that up,because I think t...I'm glad you brought that up,because I think this is important. What I meant by "there has never been anything wrong with me" is this:<br />In the past, I have been convinced that I was in some way innately flawed. I was certain that my father did not treat me like the other kids because there was something wrong with me, something I couldn't see. I have spent my life with this Shenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16635993168913490929noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6944698796767874000.post-28465153994203535492010-01-15T15:24:12.352-06:002010-01-15T15:24:12.352-06:00You wrote: "It is really sinking in, lately, ...You wrote: "It is really sinking in, lately, that there's nothing wrong with me. There has never been anything wrong with me." <br /><br />This can be both a healthy statement, if meant in a certain way. <br /><br />But it jumped out at me as something else. Maybe just my impression.Paul from Mind Partshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16327940093749165270noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6944698796767874000.post-52602205631970449812010-01-15T14:56:46.374-06:002010-01-15T14:56:46.374-06:00Paul, what denial are you referring to? I feel lik...Paul, what denial are you referring to? I feel like I am seeing things more clearly now, but your comment has me worried that I'm missing something.Shenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16635993168913490929noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6944698796767874000.post-3543903556822064562010-01-15T14:17:27.786-06:002010-01-15T14:17:27.786-06:00I hear the pain. And I know you are struggling.
...I hear the pain. And I know you are struggling.<br /><br />Just be careful about the denial. That's a place you want to watch out for. It can get crazy-making.<br /><br />PaulPaul from Mind Partshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16327940093749165270noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6944698796767874000.post-8268710028030446362010-01-15T11:08:47.737-06:002010-01-15T11:08:47.737-06:00Actually, when I'm with him I don't call h...Actually, when I'm with him I don't call him father. I don't call him anything. I step around the need for using a name in any way I can. When I refer to him, I say "my father". Not "father" or "dad". When I am talking to my siblings, I have a hard time, since it sounds very awkward to say "my father" or "our father." If I have to Shenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16635993168913490929noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6944698796767874000.post-49085098177273985082010-01-15T10:28:49.396-06:002010-01-15T10:28:49.396-06:00That's interesting, that you call him "fa...That's interesting, that you call him "father." It does show that you feel distant from him.<br /><br />And I do call her "mom," true as well. It is quite possible that I have a closer bond with my mother than you do with your father.<br /><br />That makes a lot of sense. I had a brother who played the role of your sister. He was "god" to her. I, however, held a Unrepentanthttp://midagebitching.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6944698796767874000.post-27816331624344779522010-01-15T09:02:06.732-06:002010-01-15T09:02:06.732-06:00Lorena,
thanks for coming by and posting. I left a...Lorena,<br />thanks for coming by and posting. I left a comment on the post you linked to at your blog. <br />"It gets better"... yes, I hope so. I have gone through cycles like this so many times, but this one is different in two ways.<br />One is that I have been given a lot of tools to deal with this kind of emotional crap and I am actually remembering to use some of them, some of Shenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16635993168913490929noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6944698796767874000.post-44846981080274077832010-01-15T05:51:22.189-06:002010-01-15T05:51:22.189-06:00good morning, shen. i was thinking more about this...good morning, shen. i was thinking more about this last night and i was thinking that when parents are abusive, of course they are not seeing their children for who they are. as independent beings with feelings of their own. if the parent could see and empathize with the child, they would never abuse them. it's as though they have a huge fog before their eyes. they are self absorbed. and me as i amhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14709343968813770150noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6944698796767874000.post-79416640551834721862010-01-14T23:27:16.334-06:002010-01-14T23:27:16.334-06:00Yes, I can see that you would feel nothing. You le...Yes, I can see that you would feel nothing. You learned a long time ago to tame down your feelings... as did I.<br /><br />Life taught me in many a cruel way that feeling stuff was not worth it. <br /><br />I find it interesting that now that you've freed yourself from the illusion of your dad's love, you've started to second-guess the illusion that there is a loving God.<br /><br />ILorenahttp://exfundy.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6944698796767874000.post-7634066456827351882010-01-14T19:12:16.403-06:002010-01-14T19:12:16.403-06:00Painful, yes, although right now I feel nothing. I...Painful, yes, although right now I feel nothing. I don't know when I've ever been so dead inside. <br /><br />You are right, his feelings are not connected to me. I feel no blame for any of it. Not anymore. <br /><br />But in a way, that is the sad part. If this "unlove" on his part has nothing to do with me, then there is no way I can fix it. I will never be enough... because Shenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16635993168913490929noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6944698796767874000.post-65477732540284132972010-01-14T18:05:45.120-06:002010-01-14T18:05:45.120-06:00oh and i think your anger at your parents is very ...oh and i think your anger at your parents is very valid. feeling abandoned, rejected and hurt when you should be loved and cared for is abuse. and i think it makes sense you would feel anger at god while dealing with anger at your parents. i would imagine those feelings would overlap. i think our spirituality sometimes can reflect the deep feelings we struggle with.me as i amhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14709343968813770150noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6944698796767874000.post-1768204860265452092010-01-14T17:58:42.647-06:002010-01-14T17:58:42.647-06:00goodness shen, you are dealing with some very pain...goodness shen, you are dealing with some very painful feelings and memories right now. reading this sparked many reactions and responses in me. i think for one thing, that you are dealing with multiple things all at once. different layers of grief. grieving the love you never received from your parent, the hope that things could change, and their upcoming death. someone said to me once, "itme as i amhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14709343968813770150noreply@blogger.com