I Could Be a Rainbow

A couple of weeks ago, C wore a beautiful green jacket to our session. I thought several times that it was a lovely jacket and that it was a good color on her, but I didn't say anything.

For some reason this has been popping up in my head a lot, lately. I'm sure that it is completely beyond her awareness that her choice of color inspired me to put some color into my own wardrobe... which is usually made up mostly of black, white and gray.

And even that is interesting, isn't it? Black and white - the way my world has always been - and gray - the middle ground I have been searching for.

The first time a counselor told me I had "black and white thinking", I was well into my forties and had no idea what he meant by the term... so, just in case there is anyone out there who doesn't know what it is, I will try to explain it.

Black and white thinking turns the whole world into a coin toss. Every thing that happens is either heads or tails, every decision is either good or bad, every choice is right or wrong, every issue is either completely perfect or there is no redeeming quality in it at all. The only thing that exists are the two outer edges of the coin.

And that's how I see just about everything. Telling me to find the gray area is like asking me to stand that coin on its edge. I've flattened the world into a thin little pancake and how on earth can I get inside it, that way?

Black and white thinking is what makes me so critical of myself. If I don’t do things perfectly, then I am bad because there is no middle ground in my mind.
It is what makes it so hard to make a decision. So much is riding on every choice because one way will be absolutely right and one way completely wrong.
It’s what makes it hard for me to see the good in people who I have labeled as “bad,” or vice versa.
It’s what makes it so hard to forgive and accept others and myself.

When people talk about black and white thinking, the answer is always, "you need to find the gray area."

But what about color?

Doesn't it make more sense that if we could move beyond black (which absorbs all color) and white (which reflects all color) we would find ourselves in a rainbow?

Middle Ground

Okay, kind of a silly little thought, I guess, but in my very concrete way of thinking, finding the gray area has always seemed like a boring solution to life's problems. I mean, if there is anything more boring than black and white, it would have to be gray! So, that's how I'm going to look at it, from now on. When I can see that I am existing in a black and white world, I am going to look for the rainbow.

Oh, and about that jacket... I am making it a goal to tell people when I am thinking something nice about them. Who doesn't want to hear a compliment, after all?

So, to my friends and faithful readers, know that it gives me great pleasure to read your comments and your blogs and to know you are out there muddling through it all, with me