I have been falling for a while, and this desparation is intense. I'm working hard, pushing forward, searching for the way out.
Today, I did the following drawings as I try to understand what I really am, what this little piece of the world I live in, really is.
I give the outside world and the past so much power, but in reality they have no power unless I give it to them....
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In a garland you see flowers, but you don’t see the thread. These emotions are like the flowers of a garland. Sometimes anger flowers, sometimes sadness flowers, sometimes happiness, sometimes pain, sometimes anguish. These are the flowers, and your whole life is the garland. There must be a thread; otherwise you would have fallen apart long ago. You continue as an entity – so what is the thread, the polestar? What is permanent in you?
From Emotional Wellness
by Osho
Do you see me?
What you view with your eyes is exactly what you expect to see, but it isn't me.
Right now, I’m so covered with emotions, I can’t even find myself. These things which grow on me appear to belong, but they are only reactions to the past, for every moment before this is the past.
Can you see how thoroughly they cover me?
They look as if they belong... they look right, because this is what you expect to see.
If you close your eyes, can you imagine what is underneath?
What would you see if you stripped away this weighty covering?
What am I?
On what does this anger, this anxiety, this formidable grief grow?
Breathe…. Breathe… and look beyond what is really only a reflection of the outside world.
Petal by petal, remove despair as if it were a dirty garment. Tear it off... Cast it aside...
I am light.
I am color.
I am weightless and formless, so there is no need to cover anything.
There is no modesty,
no guilt,
no embarrassment.
I am not what the world made me.
I am exactly what I'm meant to be.... and nothing can change that.
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