Who Am I?
I may tentatively tell you
Who I once was
Where I’ve been
What I’ve done
Who I desperately wanted to be
I have meticulous memories
Of isolated incidents
Complete with emotions
Desires
Accomplishments
Disasters
Every perfect detail of things I didn’t want to know
And those I only wished to be true
I may cautiously present
The ghostly personas possessed by ‘shoulds’
I thought I ought to be
I’ve desperately tried to be
I know I’ll never be
But I don’t know which
Of the broken pieces of my reality
To keep
To discard
Are completely ingrained
Or were never mine
The illusion
Was nearly perfect
To a casual observer
Or a master denier
Camouflage, untouched
By tears
Or Rage
Or longing
But now see
While a magic mirror illuminates, with sincerity
Inside the façade
Beyond the frozen mask
The world tilts at an impossible angle
And nothing is what it seemed to be
I want to pretend
To lie
To scream, that is not my reflection!
But I only gaze at what is not there
A child’s complexion
Adolescent hair, dark and full
The dimpled knuckles of a toddler
That is what was
But what is
Is Ordinary
Middle-aged
And completely unsure what to hang on to
In this topsy-turvy landscape
I dart through the twisted halls
Of my internal dwelling
Straitening the crooked images
Hanging copies in empty corridors
My purpose in question
My motives askew
My sense of self as tenuous
And fragile as dust
Scattered in the swirling wind
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