What's Wrong with Me?

Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) is the current name for what used to be called Multiple Personality Disorder. Under any name, this disorder has been sensationalized in books, movies, and on TV. The idea seems to fascinate some, while others become staunch disbelievers.

Since May 2007, I've been searching for answers. I have "lost time" for as long as I can remember. I would "wake up" in places and have no memory of how I got there, with hours missing from my life.

These gaps in time were a problem. I wasn't supposed to have them. I had to adapt by learning how to cover up my missing time, unexpected absences and sudden appearances. At a moment's notice, I could come up with a story to explain why I had not returned home from school at the expected time, or where I had been when I was sent to the corner store with five dollars to pick up milk and returned hours later without the milk or the money.

It was a mystery to me where those hours went, but it was just part of my life and one more thing that seemed to be wrong with me, to be ashamed of, and to hide from the world.

I hope that my journey will be a guide to others who struggle with mood swings and depression, find it difficult to find closeness in their relationships, are beginning to admit to themselves that they live a multiple life, or are simply suddenly aware of an emptiness within that just can't be right. There are ways to put your life back together. I know, because I have.