Thanks to all for the comments, emails, hugs and encouragement. I am still here. Lots of racing thoughts and disconnects are making it hard to write coherently.
I was on name brand drug (from the previous post) for five years. Two years ago they switched me to a generic which still worked. Then, ten days ago the pharmacy switched to a different generic, and it does not work. which did not work at all. I took it for five days, and each one was worse than the last.
Now I am back on the name brand. I believe it's already better than it was, but I'm just really pissed off that my life is so easily thrown in the toilet by a corporate decision to switch to a cheaper generic - a decision over which I have no control.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
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Co Creation
We create the life we live
Love your inner child...
...for she holds the key...
...to your personal power.
This is precisely why I dumped the drugs. I hope you feel better soon.
ReplyDeletei'm so sorry about what you're going through. i can see how vulnerable and angry that would make you feel.
ReplyDeletei think definitely it's good to reel things in as much as you feel you need to. not push yourself too much.
take it easy as your body readjusts.
meanwhile know you are thought of and cared for.
sending you well wishes and peaceful thoughts~~
one more thought i have, regarding whether or not you will always need meds or always be dissociative. i am not a professional as you know, but i would think that at the moment these are just the resources available for you. avenues your system currently depends on or utilizes to feel better, safer, cope. the dissociating is an old and early developed coping mechanism. and so when the meds were gone, your body and mind resorted back to it. but that isn't to say that years from now, you might be at a point when your mind and body have developed more coping mechanisms, and though these may always be there available to you if you need them, maybe one day you might be at a point where you do not need them anymore.
ReplyDeletei would think it's like learning a new language. your mind spoke one language for so long. and yet you've been working so hard at learning new languages, and you've made so much progress. yet when thrown back into a stressful situation, your brain switched back to the more familiar old language.
it's not a failure on your part. it's just an old familiar pattern for your brain.
Thank you both, so much.
ReplyDeleteMMM, that part about learning a new language is absolutely brilliant. You should put up a post about it - really.
thanks again
thank you shen :)
ReplyDeletewishing you well~~~~
Just some thoughts understanding the limits of thinking.
ReplyDeleteI do not know all of what you have been through in the very recent past. What you have written about is enough to exhaust a person.
What happened on the retreat was real. That does not mean some of the result will not be more work.
I have a problem with expecting to bounce back quicker than is possible. I am not a child and I did not really bounce back as a child.
You body may be rejecting the Welbrutrun now with the changes that have happened with your brain.
Journey on
I don't know how I missed your post the other day...but I'm here now, wishing you strength and stability through the waves right now.
ReplyDeleteTake care of you ~ Grace
((((Shen))))
ReplyDeleteHere with you dear one.
I agree with Michael. Over the past couple years, I have noticed that medications have very strange and unpredictable effects on me. This began when I stopped taking an antidepressant in 07. I noticed that things got much harder, but that there was a different kind of progress I made. In many ways I was more alive.
ReplyDeleteGrace, JBR, Paul, thank you all for your support. I'm not ready to go off the antidepressent. I have too much hard work to do, yet. It's hard enough as it is.
ReplyDeleteI hope there is a time when I am ready to do that, but for now, I'm glad to be back on the one the works.