An Awareness Award

I received an award from Katie at Sharing Our Spaces. This is an Awareness Award, which makes it very special to me. If there is one word that could sum up all that I’ve achieved in the last few years, awareness would be it. Along with the award, Katie created this lovely image:

And asked this question:
What does awareness mean to you?

Here is my answer:

Awareness is what is needed to be active in my life.

In the past, there was a bubbling undercurrent of feelings and lost memories that swayed every stroke of my brush as I painted my life. If I was asked what I wanted, felt, thought, preferred, I would be stuck for an answer. A blank space would appear on my canvas and I would quickly cover it with the black. I didn’t want anyone to know about the blankness inside me. I didn’t want to know it, myself.

By facing that darkness, by seeing the roiling feelings and thoughts and pulling those memories out of the black hole inside me, I have learned who I am. I have learned that those things that happened to me as a child do not have to define who I am today. I have begun to understand why I have been who I’ve been, behaved as I have, and how to move forward in an active way.

Without awareness, I lived reactively. Everything I did was a reaction to the past. By living reactively, there really was nothing of me in my life. My focus was still on people from the past. My entire life revolved around the powerful and passionate desires left by a childhood in which I didn’t get what I needed most.

Awareness is knowing where I’ve been, who I am and what I am capable of in the future.
I don’t want to live my life reacting to the past. I want to smile when I’m asked for my opinion and actually have an opinion to express. I want the portrait of my life to look like me, the real me, and I want to be able to love what I see on that canvas.
I want to be active in my own life and today, I am.

Thank you Katie, for the award and for being you.

I would like to pass this award on to Gail at Know Your Its
And Middle Child at Anybody Listening?

Congratulations!

Here is the award:

Please paste it on your website to accept the award and then answer the question, “What does awareness mean to me?”

Exciting News

Thank you to Liana a The Rainbow Dreaming for honoring me with the "Life is good" award.

I will answer all the questions associated with this award at the bottom of this post.

First, I want to put up some exciting news!

Today, I wrote the words “The End” on a novel I have been working on for nearly four years. I wrote the epilogue, as well, and so now all that’s left is the re-write (which will take a few months).

I wanted to post the last chapters of my book for my writer’s group and the deadline to post for this week was tonight, so I didn’t have time to write a blog about my ceremony today… but I will be back to that tomorrow. The exciting part is still to come!

Now, for the “Life is Good” questions…

1. What would you perfect day consist of?

A perfect day for me is a day when I feel completely whole and connected. When I feel like myself it doesn’t matter what’s going on, everything is good.

2. How would you describe yourself if you were an item of clothing?

This is a hard question! I’m really a pretty concrete thinker…
I guess I would be a sari – a multicolored, reversible fabric that could be worn in different ways depending on the mood.

3. What hobbies are you currently working on?

I just finished my book! I am also working on more drawings to illustrate my “Hole in the Soul” story and the rest of my time (when I’m not in blogland) is pretty tied up with my kids and CoDA. Do those count as hobbies?

4. Walking in the woods in wellies or bare foot on the beach?

Oooh tough choice! For today, I will pick walking in the woods in wellies (assuming that wellies are boots of some kind), since that was so awesome during my retreat.

5. Have you ever hugged or sang to a tree?

I hug every tree in my yard every Spring when the buds appear. I LOVE trees!

6. Growing your own veggies or nipping to the supermarket?

I would love to have a garden, one day. In the summer, I drive to the farms (which is a short drive, from my house) and pick up fresh produce there.

7. Have you found anyone exciting in your family tree?

I’m related to President Zachary Taylor and Admiral Vernon (An eighteenth century British Admiral).

8. Slap up meal in a posh restaurant or fish 'n' chips from the wrapper?

Hmmm, another tough choice. I love to cook…. And I’ve never actually had fish and chips from the wrapper (do they do that in the U.S.?) although I’ve seen it at EPCOT in Florida… but mostly I don’t feel like having to get all dressed up just to go eat, so I’m going with the fish.

9. Which element do you most resonate with, Earth, Air, Fire or water?

Definitely water. Flowing and ever-changing.

10. Do you believe in fairies?

If I defined fairies as the little bits of goodness that seem to pour into my life when I least expect it, then yes.

Thanks again, Liana!

It's a really hard choice, but I would like to pass this award on to the following bloggers:

JBR

Kathy R.

Katie

Gail

Sherry

and, Michael

Congrats to all!