I suppose it’s become a kind of a legend. We’ve all heard the stories, although I’d be surprised if I ever met anyone who actually knew someone this happened to. It’s terrifying in a primeval way that I don’t really understand, and that is exactly the kind of thing that legends are made of.
I am speaking of the long term coma victim who finally awakens after decades have gone by, and finds the world to be a different place.
Imagine for a moment, you have fallen asleep at age twelve and then you wake up to find you are more than fifty years old.
This is what I am feeling, inside, at this moment. For several weeks a part of me has been gradually regaining consciousness. Although, throughout my life, she has sometimes stepped up when she was needed, for her it has been as if in a dream. While she was able to be the face of anger inside me, the protector who would go to any length to make sure I am safe, she has remained a twelve-year-old child...
And at the same time, she has never been a child.
What do I say to this twelve-year-old who has missed so much? How can I comfort her? How can I get her to a place where she can accept that she is now not only an adult, but an aging one whose has children who are mostly grown and a thirty-plus-year relationship with a man who is over fifty, as well?
The twelve-year-old began to show herself at the Soul Retrieval, but she was only testing the waters. She stepped forward and spoke to the Rainbow Lady of things we had already talked to our regular therapist about, months earlier. Since then, she has been awake more and more often.
I really was not aware of much the twelve-year-old said to the Rainbow Lady, at the time of the Soul Retrieval. So I asked her about it in an email. This is part of her reply:
I believe it was during the 3rd soul retrieval process when you were working on the time that your 12-year old stopped playing the piano. The old, false conclusion that you had was that if people found out what you were really like, they would stop liking you, and that "I am not the way I should be." The old limiting behavior that you developed from that was "don't let them know what I'm like, don't share anything." I asked, "How does that hurt you?". You said, "Lots of ways - nobody else shares anything either."Reading the words she had put down in quotes was unimaginably fascinating to me. It was like eavesdropping on a conversation between others because I had no memory of having said those things. I know at the end she had me write down all the new beliefs we had established during the session, but some of them were truly new to me as I did not remember having discussed them with her during that session.
I asked, "How does that behavior hurt others?" You said, "I have something to offer and they don't get it."
I think that you felt these old these old conclusions and behaviors had come from your father (although that specific information is not in my notes.) Does this feel like what you were remembering and asking about?
That's because in the past, if the twelve-year-old was awake, I was not. Only now am I experiencing a little bit of co-consciousness with the angry adolescent for the first time.