************************************Denial covers the pain of the past * A blanket over the world * Lift a corner * Don't be afraid * Your life awaits you*************************************

Friday, April 30, 2010

Unconditional Love and Forgiveness

Last night, I went to a Forgiveness Workshop, facilitated by Mary Hayes Grieco. I learned of this workshop in January when one of the women from the Wild Souls Retreat saw that Ms. Grieco would be giving the free workshop in my area, and sent me an email.

The woman who sent the email, said she had been able to attend a lecture given by Dr. Edith Stauffer, years ago. Dr. Stauffer was a spiritual teacher who developed an Unconditional Love and Forgiveness workshop, and when she retired, she passed it on to Ms. Grieco.                                     

Creating Space by Shen

The first hour of the free, two-hour workshop was full of entertaining anecdotes that made me understand Ms. Grieco as a real human being. There was no preaching-from-the-pulpit feel to this presentation. Everything she said came from a place of honesty. Yes, she seemed to say, I am not perfect, but I am learning and I am getting better all the time.
During the second half of the workshop, she talked about the Eight Steps to Forgiving Another. There are also Five Steps to Self-Forgiveness. These were not new concepts to me - I have been an active student of "how to forgive" for some time now - but hearing her real-life examples and seeing everything outlined so succinctly, helped to clarify and solidify the ideas in my mind. I know the steps to forgiveness are going to be extremely helpful to me, not just next week, but for as long as I remember to use them.

These phrases particularly stood out to me, as she spoke last night.

Spirituality is a state of presence
Master your life
Remember, but forgive
Aim for alignment – spiritually, physically and emotionally
Be present in the moment
Resentment and unresolved rage are toxic to the soul
Shift the energy
Anger is an emotion. It can’t be resolved mentally – it must be resolved emotionally
Look at yourself as God sees you - perfect and whole; a cherished child

The other really important thing I got out of hearing Mary Hayes Grieco speak last night was clarification of an idea that has been growing inside me for some time. I know that C has said almost this same thing to me. I know others have, as well, and I've read things like this in books and blogs. Sometimes it just has to be the right time and place, and I think I am in that time and place, right now.

So, here is my “wisdom of the day”:

The resentment you carry is the connection between you and the one with whom you are angry. When you release that resentment, the connection is gone. Your anger is literally holding you to the one who has hurt you! Dissolving that attachment can unblock the flow of energy and love in you and make space for all the good things you want.

Could the timing of this workshop have been any better, for me? As I said, I heard about this five months ago and had nearly forgotten about it until an email reminder came out a couple weeks ago. To me, it is just one more thing that points to my Awareness Ceremony being exactly the right thing at the right time. So many things are coming together. Everything feels as if it is in alignment.

I brought my copy of "Be a Light" for Ms. Grieco to sign. I was a little embarrassed when she opened it to sign it and it was already signed. I had bought it online, and it came as a signed copy. It really is not the same as having her sign it in person. I explained, she smiled, asked my name and signed my book to me.

I bought two of her CDs, last night. One of them is called A Woman’s Ways. It is about developing intuition. The other one is called, A Peaceful Heart. This one I will be putting to good use, next week. It is “A practical guide to unconditional love and forgiveness”.

I will be using the CD on Wednesday, along with her Steps to Forgiveness, and some other tools I've collected along the way, to guide me through the rest of the emotional baggage I am still carrying. When I sit down for my ceremony on Thursday, I want to be completely ready. I’ve done a lot of work, and I feel very certain that this will be a final piece of release, for me, about much of what I am carrying around from the past.

I don’t want to carry it, anymore. It’s heavy and dirty and ugly and I have much better things to do with my life. Somehow, I know that releasing all of this old clutter from my soul is going to make room for something really wonderful. I know that the space I am creating is necessary and I have such a strong sense of anticipation.

I can’t wait to see what will fill me up.


  1. HI SHeN

    Great post with such hope and wisdom and inspiration shared. :-) And may I add a quote from a blog called The Naked Soul",

    "Forgiveness is the release of all hope for our past to be different".

    Love and peace

  2. Hi Shen,

    This is a good post. But, I am also reminded that forgiveness is a process and can be a long one. I believe that in order to forgive someone that you have to feel and express your emotions because then you really don't know what you are forgiving them for. This is often a painful process. You can't forgive what you don't own first.

    What do you think?

  3. Gail,

    That is a wonderful quote. The third of Mary Hayes Grieco's process of forgiveness is: Cancel the expectation(s) you are holding in your mind
    I think that is the same thing expressed in the quote. You let go of what you thought should have been or should be and then accept things as they were or are.

    Hi Clueless,
    I agree. I have been working on forgiveness for a long time. I have processed a lot of the old memories and anger, but have been having a hard time getting to the place of release. Step two of her process is:
    Express your emotions about what happened
    She demonstrated this with the "talk to the empty chair" technique. This is not her technique, nor is it something I've not heard before. I have done some of this, but plan to do more, wednesday. I want to get all the old anger out and be done with it. The ceremony is about celebrating that moment of release and acknowledging that I am going to be different from that moment on. It is a marker for an important milestone, so I don't forget the progress I've made.
    Thanks for reading and your good question.

  4. Gail, also, you said in a previous comment that you would like to be part of my ceremony, but didn't know how. With your permissie on, I will use the quote you wrote here as your submission to my ceremony. I will write it on a card along with your name and place it with the others in my "circle" when I am doing my ceremony.
    If you would like to participate in this way, let me know. The only thing I would ask of you is that you think of me, send those good vibes, at noon (central time) on thursday, May 6th.


  5. I love that you affirm this truth about the Universe. When you are in alignment life aligns for you. All the ducks seem to be in a row for your ceremony.

    Love and blessings all the way...


  6. Uma, thank you for reading and commenting! I am always happy to hear what you have to say - you have a lot of wisdom.

  7. "The resentment you carry is the connection between you and the one with whom you are angry"

    Shen, so true! Sometimes the pain/anger seems like our only link to what or who we have lost...making it so much more difficult to let go....

    This a wonderful and generous post! So many reminders about healing and forgivenss...and letting ourselves be open to new life and good things....

    Many good blessings,

  8. HI SHEN-
    Oh yes, perfect. I am honored that you would allow me to be represented at your ceremony on May 6th. And I will definitely be with you in good spirit on that day - sending you all good thoughts - prayers and love.

    Love Gail'

  9. I see hope in this post Shen. Very inspiring. Appreciate you sharing yourself as always. Blessings.

  10. I like "Creating Space by Shen"

    I see wings.

    That the anger connects is new to me. I can work with it.

    The "Talk empty chair" technique explains something that got messed up in therapy. I was trying to express about outside alters and I am guessing my therapist thought I was using this technique. Which I was not.

  11. Thanks for your comment on my blog today. I am striving to get to the point where my husband's anger / moods don't affect me, but it is very difficult. At some point the decision needs to be made whether to stay in the relationship or not.

    Anyway, I loved this post and agree that resentment binds you to the person. Hope you have a great weekend!

  12. As a side note... the link to the "eight steps" above works, but the list at her site is not right. I emailed her to let her know and she said she would check on it, but as of 5-12-10 it was still not fixed. The eight steps are listed in my blogpost "ceremony part four"


Please feel free to leave your thoughts in a comment.

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